Now you know how to impress players in live play. But people can’t see your sunglasses and hat when you play online, so what can you do? one word: chat!

5) Type in all capitals. This conveys an unmistakable air of authority.

4) Take any opportunity you can get to show off your knowledge of poker. Remember, knowledge is power, and you want to appear powerful.

3) Speed is more important than accuracy. Type as fast as you can and don’t worry about stupid shit like spelling or grammar.

2) Everyone is impressed by profanity, but most sites have installed measures to block profanity in chat. You can doubly impress fellow players with clever workarounds like inserting spaces, underscores and non-english profanity.

1) ASCII art is the coolest thing EVER, especially when in the form of genitalia.