The lowest common denominator

John Darr

When a small-stakes poker pro gets the crap beat out of him during his ‘worst’ bad run to date there’s still a tendency to push the red levels of patience and tolerance of draws-not-getting-there to unimaginable distances in an attempt to weather the storm. But when the small-stakes pro decides to take cover, he hails an anything-but-poker job that pays barely enough and waits for the rumblings of defeat to pass. During this hiatus the pro’s ego eats himself from the inside, trying to hide from the looming shadow and the handcuffed anxiety of a return to the felt, the thought that the bad run somehow continued through the break.

That small-stakes pro is, of course, yours truly. And my bad run hit me for about $14,000 before I went in to full damage control.

Tonight I finally went back to play poker after more than three weeks away from the tables, grinding out a paycheck in a kitchen and by writing a bunch for PartTimePoker.com and its affiliates. But this time (yes, I have taken a break before) my return to the game was very different. I went to a place I’d never been before – free poker.

My friend “Smalls” has been bugging me for awhile to come play this Louisville Poker Tour thing at a local sports bar. He’s a decent enough player but doesn’t have the luxury of being able to play poker for much cash nowadays. So, the tournament entry is free and you can win a seat to the 2008 WSOP Main Event IF you can win, like, a satellite in to a satellite in to satellite that gets you in to the main tournament where one person gets a seat. I think everyone at the main tournament final table gets some cool prizes but whatever. It’s something like that. I never went because essentially my hourly rate at the tables dictated I play cash games, not invest hours in a free tournament.

Well after working 40+ hours this week in a hot kitchen, burning my ‘everything’ several times, I was eager on my day off to do something poker-related. My buddy’s convincing argument was that he’d just won some free side tournament that got landed him airfare for 2 and 5 nights in Vegas during the ’08 WSOP. Free poker with the potential of winning something even down the road now sounded like a good way to get back in to things.

If you haven’t been to one of these free poker tourneys let me describe the scene. Back room of nice sports bar, but smoky as hell. There’s two poker tables set up with 11, that’s right, 11 seats each. And a sign-up list on one table that goes up to 50. That’s the cut-off, they ain’t seating more than 38 alternates. Believe you me, the room is full of players you’d love to see at your table. And if this was a cash game, I’d take a loan out to match their stakes.

I actually liked the structure and thought it favored my higher ability. Tourney starts at 7 p.m., blinds crawl every 15 minutes. First round of players start with 5,000 chips and the blinds are 25-50. At no time are there antes. A cool nuance – if you come in as an alternate, they give you a larger stack to match the larger blinds. I came in when the blinds were 350-700 and they gave me 15,000 chips. I’m like third stack on my table. Almost unfair.

I didn’t dare bust out the IPOD. And I held back the chip tricks. I don’t want to scare these peeps, I just want to play.

My first hand I get A2 off suit and toss it in to the muck. One player raised and another went all in and initial raiser called. Both were deep considering. Kings verus A6 off. Hmm. Next hand there’s a large raise and 6 callers. Guy puts in 80% of his stack by the turn and folds on the river when the board really doesn’t change. Hmmm.

I see five or six hands, folding them all and finally I get AJ off in the big. Finally a playable hand. But the newest player to the table goes all in for his 15K and there’s a call. Blinds are now 400-800 and this cat pushes? Hmmmm.

So of course facing a massive all-in and a cold call I fold. And I show the guy to my left my hand. “Oh my god, what a lay down!” he says to the table. The two all-iners show AK hearts and KJ off. After the board runs out two pair I hear “man you should have played, you would have split the pot!”

These people still can’t believe I laid down AJ and as the next hand is dealt I’m thinking I may have just developed some “cred.” Six limpers for 800 chips and I’m in the small blind with T-6 off. All totaled, the pot is already over 5K. Hopefully I have some “cred.”

So I push my stack in THINKING if I raise any amount less I’m getting insta-called by several people and I may be able to pick this one off with a massive all-in after making an ‘amazing’ lay down. NOPE. I get the ‘gonna-fold-well-who-cares-I-call” call by KQ off for his stack of 11K. Can’t catch up and my plan failed. I still have some chips, not much but some. I fold a few more hands and push with the first ace I see. I get called by KT off who limped UG BTW WTF (that’s for the savvy readers). I’m ahead but not after he flops a full house. I bust out having folded when I should have, made a great raise at the right time (but got unlucky) and got it in short stacked but ahead.

Even though I lost a FREE tourney to BAD players, it was a good night. I could have spent three more hours in that smoke house trying to win another seat in a smoky room with even more bad players. Then I could have won that only to lose on the bubble before the prizes kick in. Playing twenty or more hours of free poker, witnessing the worst poker ever played only to get nada would have been a ‘real’ bad beat. And I got my poker fix. Now I can go back to the kitchen for another two weeks and burn myself some more without wondering if I’m still running bad.

Let me check, lost $14K, just lost to idiots; yep, still running bad.

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