“Low Stakes Poker” does deviate in several key ways from its predecessor. For instance, HSP has blinds of $400 and $800 with a $200 ante. LSP has blinds of 2 cents and 4 cents. HSP was played in a closed off and decorated room in the Golden Nugget Casino. LSP was played on an air hockey table in the arcade of Circus Circus. Both shows do offer players who use cash in lieu of chips as part of their stack. HSP has many players who have bundles of hundred dollar bills, LSP has players with rolls of nickels.

The all-star field was released and includes play money no-limit legend ffedor, that guy who won the Hubble Freeroll that one time, and Phil Hellmuth. Joe Buck and Layne Flack will provide the commentary.

“Low Stakes Poker provides a cornucopia of human emotion. A veritable buffet, as it were. You see the big limit players nonchalant about quarter million dollar pots, oblivious to the fact that they’re gambling small fortunes for regular people,” said Buck, “You don’t have that here. Every ten dollar all in is a matter of life or death to these people.”

Added Flack, “Yeah!”, before attempting, unsuccessfully, to high-five Buck.

Previews made available to the media did offer some fantastic hands including a player losing a preflop all-in when his pocket 4s were outdrawn by an offsuit king and jack for $18. After lambasting the player for calling his all in with king high, he declared to the table that “this is chump change” and that he “makes more money in 6 minutes than they do in 6 lifetimes”.

Cameras then followed the man as he hurried to the nearest Dance Dance Revolution game where he begged a twelve year-old for his remaining quarters, promising to pay him back ten dollars the next day.

Despite the meager stakes, Hellmuth reportedly somehow managed to drop nearly $350,000 before storming out in a huff in the middle of Episode 2.

“Low Stakes Poker” is set to begin airing in the summer.

You know what’s not funny? Paying thousands more in rake than you need to. Learn more about all of our exclusive rakeback deals.

Overview
MF is an Onion-style site that publishes satirical news stories that generally draw from current happenings in the pokerverse, both on and offline.

Look
Standard-issue blog design.

Content
As with any humor site, it’s hit and miss. You’ll get some really solid, insightful parody some days, and some cheap shots the next. When it’s funny, it’s funny – and when it’s not, it doesn’t waste much of your time.

Unique pros / cons
The content is pretty unique – there aren’t a lot of sites doing poker humor full-time. The site’s easy to use and is publishing multiple articles a week.

The site is relevant, which is nice if you’re reading daily, as a lot of the articles will draw on the news of that day or week. However, this dates some of the material and makes the archives a little less entertaining than they might be otherwise

Bottom Line
A nice addition to a feed reader or a bookmark list – a little levity never hurt anyone

Visit Melted Felt

The transition of power evidently not changing the executive branch’s desire for conflict, Obama, an avid poker player in his own right, issued a statement through his website, BarackObama.com:

“In these times of considerable hardships, it is important we do whatever we can to reinvigorate hope among the populace. Yes we can. I believe bankrupting the nation of Iran is the first step to regaining our rightful place as rulers of the free world. Yes we can. I believe taking their money and spreading it amongst ourselves will save our failing economy. Yes we can. And I know that my lack of experience in the online poker world may be seen as a detriment, but I assure you all I have all the experience I need to beat Mr. Ahmadinejad. Yes I can.”

Ahmadinejad, seen on the Prima Network under the name LOL_Israel, plays 200/400 No Limit as well as Pot Limit Omaha. He is said to utilize a hyper-aggressive LAG (loose aggressive) style to attempt to intimidate his opponents out of pots. Regarding Ahmadinejad’s style, Iranian Vice President, Pavriz Davoodi said, “The President plays like he rules: with massive, unyielding force. You throw a rock at our mosque, we shove 40 carpet bombs into your anus. He plays the same way. You bet $400? (Censored) you, I raise you all in for $40,000. Praise Allah for granting such wisdom.”

The American government maintains a different assessment of the Iranian ruler’s ability. “Ahmadinejad is such a donk,” said incoming Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel. “CIA intelligence has indicated he plays 90/88 over a sample size of 200 thousand hands. How can someone play 90/88 and expect to win? He’ll be lucky to lose just 0.5 BB/100!”

Obama’s terms stipulate that both countries escrow their treasury’s contents with the United Nations. They will then proceed to play 7 tables of $1 heads up sit and gos on Pokerstars (Pokerstars being the choice because they offer sit and gos with no blind increases). The first player to win four of the sit and gos would be declared the winner. Due to Pokerstars security deeming Ahmadinejad’s screen name to be offensive, he was forced to register under the less offensive “AmirVahediNo1Fan.” Vahedi could not be reached for comment.

Some concern has grown over the fact that Obama, a live game player, has never played online, thus giving Ahmadinejad a fairly large edge. While Obama will seek coaching before the match is to take place, there are those in the government who insist that this is nothing to worry about.. “People keep panicking and wondering what happens if we lose this match and lose all our money,” said Vice President-Elect Joe Biden. “But the joke’s on Iran. This is America, baby! We’re already broke!”

1. Earning power:
a. Online poker: Sure it takes a considerable amount of work to reach the point where you’re a comfortably profitable online player, but once you do so the money is considerable. How considerable? If you’re good enough to reach 50% ROI at mid-high stakes MTT’s online and can put in $2500 worth of buy ins a day six days a week you stand to expect to make $7,500 a week (obviously expectation is not actually earn.) That’s enough money to call up your lawyer and ask “What’s happening you broke mother ****er?!”

b. Live poker: Because you can’t put enough volume in at live poker to find a true expectation over your life time, I can only assume that the old adage “The house always wins” applies and we’re all losing money at live poker to the casino all the time. Except Timex of course.

2. Retardation:
a. Online poker: Because you play online poker in the safety and comfort of your own home there is a very low probability that you will encounter someone spewing retardation directly into your brain on a daily basis. Make sure to avoid leaving the TV on Fox News to add further protection.

b. Live poker: Retardation lurks everywhere in live poker, mostly as a result of the retards that surround you at the table. They will tell you how you misplayed your hand and discuss ways in which to better your play. Your only defense is to smash your fingers into your ears and scream “BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA I DON’T LISTEN TO RETARDATION I CAN’T HEAR YOU BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLAAAAAH!!!!!” as loud as possible. In the event that you fail to do so your brain will experience symptoms similar to gangrene. If you are unfamiliar with those symptoms here is the appropriate Wikipedia link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gangrene. Yea, you don’t want that **** in your brain.

3. Health:
a. Online poker: Health risks in online poker are vastly different to those associated with live poker. While habitual fat assery is common in both, online poker has a number of unique concerns. The most common injury is a bladder burst, caused by hours upon hours sitting in tournaments with no synchronized breaks and no appropriate near by waste receptacle. To prevent this common risk consider investing in a quality thermos, such as the ones offered at www.thermos.com. There’s even a ‘Barbie’ thermos, known by online poker players as the ‘R. Kelly model’. Carpel tunnel is also common amongst poker players, but recently doctors studying the condition stated that people who spend the majority of the work day at the computer should warm up their muscles through thorough masturbation prior to use.

b. Live poker: Though live poker has the similar high risk of fat assery, there is the added risk of scum baggery. You may get jumped in your hotel hall way a la Greg Raymer, or perhaps smashed in the head at knife point a la Jason Potter, or perhaps robbed at gun point twice outside the Rio a la the wife of Michael Mizrachi, or have your heart shatter like a dumped 12 year old girl when busting the WSOP main event 2008 a la Jean Robert Bellande. There’s also the brain gangrene stuff.

4. The smell:
a. Online poker: My apartment smells like a mix of BBQ, bananas, the yellow lemon stuff I spray where the dog pees, and a dash of smug satisfaction.

b. Live poker: Smells like BO, weird Venetian perfume stuff, cigarette drenched jackets, and fear.

5. The commute:
a. Online poker: The roughly three second walk from my bed to my computer. $100 says it can be done in two.

b. Live poker: At best, a decent drive into the casino. At worst, 30 hours straight in airports and planes that will constantly cause money transportation problems. Enjoy customs detention you terrorist funding drug dealers.

6. The chicks:
a. Online poker: Has the girls of the internet. More porn than you can shake a stick at.

b. Live poker: Has real women, who expect to be paid for things.

7. Strategy:
a. Online poker: Requires in depth knowledge of range percentages, patterns of thinking and non thinking players, comprehending poker tracker statistics, a complete understanding of ranges, a balance of aggression, the ability to manipulate bubbles, the ability to three and 4 bet light, stack sizes, position, and a highly developed multi tasking ability.

b. Live poker: Requires the ability to tell when a player on the table is actually, somehow, above level one thinking.

8. Top pro:
a. Online poker: Has Patrick Antonius, you know, God.

b. Live poker: Has Barry Greenstein, who come to think of it, has probably bagged more chicks than Antonius. Well played Greenstein.

9. The hang outs:
a. Online poker: Has the forums, where you can learn the game, make friends the world over, and go from universally beloved to feverishly ostracized pariah in the event of the slightest infraction. Other popular hang outs include Pokerstars, Full Tilt, and several far less credible poker sites.

b. Live poker: Has the player parties, with the guy to girl ratio at a figure so high three NASA mathematicians died trying to figure it out. It also has several live poker rooms across the world, home of rakes so big they require gigantic boxes under the table for the drop.

10. The chairs:
a. Online poker: I’m sitting in a chilled out plush leather recliner that has wheels, which affords me the option of spending my entirely driving around the apartment, were I so inclined. If I was balla I would go and buy one of those massage things you drape over it, but I’m not. Actually no wait, I really should do that.

b. Live poker: For just $2 a minute (that’s a $120 hourly) the masseuses at the WSOP will massage out the aches and pains the live poker chairs will inevitably incur.

Tony plays as Bond18 on multiple sites and is also an instructor over at PokerSavvy.com.

Wonder made his first appearance on the virtual felt sitting in on a1/2 NL game. The wait list almost immediately topped 100 players, and the chat box was filled with railbirds and well-wishers. He subsequently timed out before he could post his blind, and every 5 minutes there would appear a jumble of letters in the chat box that gave the indication he just pounded on his keyboard. He was then removed from his seat for missing too many orbits.

“We’ve taken a lot of flak for signing a blind man to play online poker,” said Full Tilt Co-Owner Chris Ferguson, “but come on, he can’t be any worse than Beth Shak.”

Some of the flak, oddly enough, came from Ferguson’s partner, Howard Lederer. “He’s a freak and a very blind dude,” said Lederer. “I think we should stay away.”

From the non-poker world, Full Tilt has taken obvious heat due to not only the fact that they hired a blind man to play online, but because they almost appear to be mocking the very man they signed. For instance, every avatar comes with four different emotions: happy, confused, angry and sad. Stevie Wonder’s avatar only comes in one: confused. They have insisted that this is merely an oversight and an error, but this has done nothing to quell the outrage.

Their pros have had mixed opinions; while some lick their chops at the idea of playing a handicapped man, some are convinced that Wonder will use his blindness to an advantage. Notorious rules nit, David Singer, is one of the latter. “He can play HORSE and ‘not see the post button’ and sit out of whatever games he doesn’t feel he has edge in,” said Singer. “This is angleshooting, and I expect Full Tilt to compensate me every dollar I ever have or ever will lose on this site.”

When it was pointed out by a third party that Singer himself has often been accused of that very angleshooting, Singer glared menacingly, whined for about 40 minutes, then had that man’s Full Tilt account closed..

Hellmuth, better known for his uncompromising arrogance, defiance of all logical reasoning, and painfully unnecessary and extravagant entrances than his record 11 WSOP bracelets, was in the middle of shooting a commercial for his new book “Blacker Belt Poker” when a stunt went terribly wrong.

In an effort to capitalize on his line from the Main Event of the 2005 WSOP, when he famously told his wife “I can dodge bullets, baby,” Hellmuth decided to film a commercial for his book where a firing squad took aim at him, fired simultaneously, and he would “dodge” the bullets. Initial plans called for the squad to use blanks, after which an unscathed Hellmuth was to repeat his line while facing the camera. At the last second, however, Hellmuth declared that the blanks didn’t provide the realism the commercial needed, and ordered the firing squad to use real bullets.

After signing a waiver releasing all responsibility from the crew, filming began. Within 17 seconds of the camera rolling, Phil Hellmuth had been shot 22 times.

One observer described the filming as “one of the funniest commercials I’ve ever seen.” When told the victim was actually shot, the observer was taken aback and showed obvious guilt. When told the victim was Hellmuth, the observer began laughing uncontrollably.

“You know, Phil was just being a donkey like Phil always is,” said close friend and fellow pro, Mike Matusow, “He’s such an idiot.” Matusow then looked around him while laughing looking for validation of his statements. He would receive none.

However, in a somewhat ironic twist of fate, if he survives, Hellmuth could come out of this richer than he was going in. With another pro, Phil Ivey in attendance, Hellmuth stalled taping from beginning so he could barter for insurance with Ivey in the event something went wrong. Eventually, they settled on Hellmuth risking $2 million USD at 1:10 odds with Ivey.

“That [expletive] couldn’t dodge a bullet for [expletive],” said Ivey, “[expletive] cost me 200 grand. [Expletive] better die.”

Speaking to reporters at a press conference, WPT Media Director Maria Syneski was optimistic about the change.

“We’re confident that this shift will allow the WPT to become an even stronger force in the poker world than we were before,” said Syneski. “We know that our viewers can’t wait to experience in-depth coverage of top Wyoming poker pros like … ummm … let’s see, there’s that one guy. Bill something. Bill … I think it starts with an ‘a’…”

Syneski then stared off into space for approximately 3 minutes before excusing herself and leaving the podium, weeping softly.

WPT founder Steve Lipscomb laid out the revised WPT schedule in a statement. “We’ll be bringing the WPT to every gambling hotspot Wyoming has to offer – the Shoshone Rose Casino, the Wind River Casino, the 789 Smoke Shop and Casino and the Little Wind Casino,” said Lipscomb.

“Just as soon,” he added, “as any of those casinos actually adds a poker room.”

Shares of WPT were unaffected by the announcement.