Speakin’ The ‘King’s English’: The Freeroll King’s Guide to Poker Lingo
(Ed note: you can read more from self-anointed “freeroll king” Stever Fuller in his previous articles Freeroll Report: Party New Player Weekly and King’s Hand of The Week: Jacked by Jacks)
Yo.
Speakin’ the King’s English doesn’t mean calling people “thee” and shit. It’s like, this whole new language I made up, and when you speak it, people instantly respect it. I don’t know if this will work the same way for you, because you might be a “poser” [that’s KING for faker] and people like everything that comes out of my mouth anyway, so I could be all like “Donut likes Purple” or some gibberish and everyone listens up. Anyhow, don’t get your hopes up, but here’s a little pocket guide to speakin’ like a KING.
Poser - A faker, like I said up there. If you didn’t remember that, you’re a poser.
Fuck Yeah - KING slang for when something goes right. Like if you have 99 vs AA and you get all all in and river a 9, you say “Fuck Yeah” instead of saying “Hey, I hit a set which gives me the best hand, so I win the pot, which makes me happy.”
The Super Nuts - This is when you have a hand that is better than the nuts. So, if the board is 6 7 8 10 A, someone with 5 9 has the nuts and someone with 9 J has the “super nuts”
Code Blue - This is for when some crazy shit happens that’s usually really serious. You can make the color different the more serious it is, like maybe yellow or red.
WHADDUP, KING HAND NAMES
You can’t be a real pro unless you walk the walk and talk the talk and also hand out beatdowns like it’s your job. I can’t help you with the walking or beating down part, but the talking, there I got some shit for you. See, only posers call hands what they look like. Pros have clever names for hands, most of which I came up with, so here’s a little slice of KING pie for you to chew on.
A6: The Sax. I got this one by putting the words ‘ace’ and ’six’ together.
74s: The Formal Eleven. If you add 7 and 4, you get 11. Now put a suit on em. Whaddup.
99: The Dollar Store. I used to call 10 10 this but then i realized that 99 is closer to a dollar than 10 10.
I’d give you the rest, but then it would be too much for you to remember and you’d make an ass out of yourself when you called 76 “The Golfing hand” instead of “The Bicentennial.” Stick with the kiddie pool until you learn how to swim better, guppie suckas.
