Obese Guy Clearly Has Personal Stake in ‘Poker as Sport’ Debate
LOUISVILLE, KY – Following a casual bar argument over the proper label for poker – sport or game – almost all participants, regardless of their initial opinion, were able to agree on one thing: an extremely obese man at the bar was taking the whole debate way too personally.
The debate, which took place on Tuesday [...]
New Poker Site Offers Deposit Bonus: 100% up to Free Baby
THE INTERNET: In yet another raising of the bar for both the costliness and uniqueness of online poker promotions, a new poker site – pokerbaby.com – has announced one of the most lucrative and controversial offers to date: a 100% matching deposit bonus up to a free baby.
“I suppose we in the industry should have [...]
Dumbass Launches New Online Poker Room
THE INTERNET – Online gaming industry sources revealed last Tuesday that, despite overwhelming odds against any realistic hope of even the most marginal form of success, yet another dumbass decided to launch an online poker room.
“Looks like another moron hopped a one way train to fuckupville,” commented Evelio Suarez, senior analyst for Canadian-based Game [...]
Drunk Man Obviously Confusing Actual Card Room with Online One
TUNICA, MS – Floor managers, dealers and players present in the Grand’s poker room last Thursday all confirm that a severely intoxicated holdem player experienced great difficulty separating the similar yet distinct realities of online and physical poker.
ABC Adds “Poker” to the Title of Entire Fall Lineup
BURBANK, CA – In a move apparently designed to cash in on the growing popularity of televised poker, struggling ABC Networks announced today that, effective immediately, the word ‘poker’ would be added to each and every show in ABC’s current fall prime time lineup.
According to Anne Sweeney, the recently appointed president of ABC Television [...]
Phil Hellmuth Introduces New “Flop Free” Online Card Room
THE INTERNET – Since the inception of online poker some six years ago, developers have produced a variety of offerings based on what they felt the players wanted – different graphics, chat features, and so on. In his latest foray into the online poker waters, poker icon Phil Hellmuth decided to recreate not only [...]
Online Poker Player Declares That Pocket Aces are Terrible
THE INTERNET – Casual poker players and serious theorists alike were shocked by the pronouncement of online player MRTILTY yesterday that pocket aces, long held to be the best starting hand in Texas Hold’em, are in fact a terrible hand.
“I NEVER WIN WTIH [sic] ACES!”, proclaimed MRTITLTY at approximately 10:53 EST following a hand played [...]
4-8 Players Apparently Entertained By Rounders Quotes, Dealer Unamused
TUNICA, MS – An overwhelming majority of players seated at table 5 [4-8 limit hold 'em] in Tunica’s Gold Strike poker room were apparently entertained by an unidentified player who spoke only in quotes from the movie Rounders, casino sources reported Tuesday.
“There was this guy sitting in the one seat”, Gold Strike dealer Mason Brennan [...]
Bush Team Unveils Massive Freeroll For All Registered Voters
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a move largely praised by political analysts, President Bush’s election team announced today that all of America’s registered voters qualified for entry into the $5,000,000 guaranteed “Four More Years” freeroll poker tournament.
“Dick [Vice President Cheney] and me were sittin around in the office, trying to come up with some ways to [...]
Aspiring Online Pro’s Career Delayed By Inability to Come up With Unique Screen Name
SPRINGFIELD, IL – Aspiring online poker pro Jason McDonald had a simple plan – quit his day job, read every poker book he could get his hands on, and make a living playing online poker. Things turned out to be a little more complicated than he imagined.
“The quitting my job part was easy”, McDonald reported. [...]
T.J. Cloutier Rips Off Head Of Amateur Who Credited T.J.’s Book for Horrible Play
LAS VEGAS, NV: Author and poker legend T.J. Cloutier is currently being held in police custody following a spectacular incident in which T.J. literally ripped the head off of an amateur player.
Sources report that the incident occurred during a $2,000.00 buyin NL tournament held at the Bellagio at approximately 10:53 PM. T.J. reportedly fired a [...]
Party Poker Purchases, Erases, Reroutes Entire Internet
WASHINGTON DC – US Government sources confirmed this morning that they had located the cause for the overnight disappearance of the some 4 billion web pages that formerly made up the public internet. Apparently, the online card room Party Poker has purchased and subsequently erased and rerouted the entire Internet.
At approximately 1:30 am EST, network [...]
T.J. Cloutier Rips Off Head Of Amateur Who Credited T.J.’s Book for Horrible Play
LAS VEGAS, NV: Author and poker legend T.J. Cloutier is currently being held in police custody following a spectacular incident in which T.J. literally ripped the head off of an amateur player.
Sources report that the incident occurred during a $2,000.00 buyin NL tournament held at the Bellagio at approximately 10:53 PM. T.J. reportedly fired a [...]
Phil Hellmuth Invents Bad-Beat Reversing Time Machine
LAS VEGAS, NV – World Champion poker player Phil Hellmuth is notorious for outbursts against players who draw out with inferior hands. But if Phil’s latest product pans out, those outbursts may be a thing of the past – literally.
“It just makes me so mad when someone calls their entire stack on the flop with [...]
Non-Commercial, Sarcasm Free, Helpful Response Post Found On Rec.Gambling.Poker
THE INTERNET – Online poker pundits are all abuzz about an event that has rocked the status quo of poker discussion on the internet: a non-commercial, sarcasm-free, helpful response to a question posted on the rec.gambling.poker [RGP] newsgroup.
RGP, the largest online discussion forum for poker, hosts tens of thousands of posts per week on topics [...]
