The seven stages of ace king

Psychologists often refer to the 7 stages of grief that accompany any significant loss in an individual’s life. We certainly think AK qualifies as a traumatic event in the lives of poker players, and know the stages all too well:
1) Denial: “There’s no way I could’ve missed the flop. They were suited. I can call [...]

PokerStars adds rabid howler monkey to team of sponsored pros

THE INTERNET — In a move that has drawn sharply divided reactions from the online poker community, popular online poker room PokerStars announced this week that they have added a rabid howler monkey to Team PokerStars, the room’s roster of sponsored pros.

PokerStars Marketing Executive Peter Simmons explained the logic behind the decision in a phone [...]

PPA Hires Phil Ivey to Stare at Congressmen

WASHINGTON D.C. – Leading online poker lobbying group The Poker Player’s Alliance (PPA) announced today a sharp turn in their lobbying tactics – the hiring of Phil Ivey for the exclusive purpose of staring at Congressmen who are opposed to online poker regulation.
Michael Bolcerek, president of the PPA, explained the decision. “We thought we were [...]

Hot Girl From Poker Room Not Nearly as Hot in Wal-Mart

LOUISVILLE, KY – Poker room regulars at Caesar’s Indiana reacted with a blend of outrage, disbelief and sadness to the claim, made by poker dealer Steve Partusi, that the super-hot girl who often plays 4/8 limit on the weekends is, in fact, not very hot when seen outside the room.
Partusi first advanced the controversial thesis [...]

Obese Guy Clearly Has Personal Stake in ‘Poker as Sport’ Debate

LOUISVILLE, KY – Following a casual bar argument over the proper label for poker – sport or game – almost all participants, regardless of their initial opinion, were able to agree on one thing: an extremely obese man at the bar was taking the whole debate way too personally.
The debate, which took place on Tuesday [...]

New Poker Site Offers Deposit Bonus: 100% up to Free Baby

THE INTERNET: In yet another raising of the bar for both the costliness and uniqueness of online poker promotions, a new poker site – pokerbaby.com – has announced one of the most lucrative and controversial offers to date: a 100% matching deposit bonus up to a free baby.
“I suppose we in the industry should have [...]

Dumbass Launches New Online Poker Room

THE INTERNET – Online gaming industry sources revealed last Tuesday that, despite overwhelming odds against any realistic hope of even the most marginal form of success, yet another dumbass decided to launch an online poker room.
“Looks like another moron hopped a one way train to fuckupville,” commented Evelio Suarez, senior analyst for Canadian-based Game [...]

Drunk Man Obviously Confusing Actual Card Room with Online One

TUNICA, MS – Floor managers, dealers and players present in the Grand’s poker room last Thursday all confirm that a severely intoxicated holdem player experienced great difficulty separating the similar yet distinct realities of online and physical poker.
The drunk, identified by casino staff as Michigan tourist Evelio Alderdice, first drew attention to himself by [...]