Aspiring Online Pro’s Career Delayed By Inability to Come up With Unique Screen Name
SPRINGFIELD, IL - Aspiring online poker pro Jason McDonald had a simple plan - quit his day job, read every poker book he could get his hands on, and make a living playing online poker. Things turned out to be a little more complicated than he imagined.
“The quitting my job part was easy”, McDonald reported. “I hated that stupid ass job anyhow. And buying the poker books, no problem there either. I just went to Amazon and maxed out my credit card buying anything with ‘poker’ in the title.”
It was while McDonald waited for his books to arrive that the fatal flaw in his plan presented itself. “I figured while I was waiting for the books to come, I could just sign up at a few sites and poke around, get comfortable, figure out which one was for me”, recalled McDonald. “Little did I know the shit I was in for. Turns out every single good screen name is, like, taken.”
McDonald first attempted to register as ‘teddykgb’. “I wanted a name that showed I knew what was up, that I wasn’t some newbie”, he said. After trying variations such as teddikgb, KGBTEDDY, ted_kgb, tdkgb123, tedeekaygeebee, all without success, Mcdonald moved on to other Rounders-related names: daWorm, WORM, worm_player, rounder_worm, grama, kgb_grama, mikedarounder, kanisch, and sorryjohnidontremember, to name but a few.
After exhausting Rounders-themed possibilities, McDonald focused on more generic names. “I tried like 60 fucking names with ‘pro’, you know, so people would know I was a pro - pokerpro, propokerpro, pro123, pro_of_poker, dapro, and nothing. I was like, shit. Then I tried the same combos but instead of ‘pro’ I swapped in ‘rock’ or ‘nuts’. Nothing. All taken.”
Actual online professional Rick Hastings sympathizes with Mcdonald’s plight. “Choosing a cool, intimidating name is a very important step in becoming an online pro”, said Hastings, who plays as rickh and made over fifty thousand dollars in 2004 playing 10-20 online. “Mike should definitely focus on getting a good name as soon as possible, and not worry about reading all those books he bought or fiddling around with annoying simulation software. He needs to get online and playing as soon as possible, preferably playing 10-20 at interpoker between 5pm and 12pm EST.”
