Obese Guy Clearly Has Personal Stake in ‘Poker as Sport’ Debate
LOUISVILLE, KY - Following a casual bar argument over the proper label for poker - sport or game - almost all participants, regardless of their initial opinion, were able to agree on one thing: an extremely obese man at the bar was taking the whole debate way too personally.
The debate, which took place on Tuesday at approximately 9pm in the neighborhood bar O’Shannons, was apparently triggered by a commercial for World Series of Poker coverage on ESPN. “I know this girl, Danielle, who bartends there, so I go in every once in awhile,” said local resident Billy McKewon. “This commercial comes on, and I say something to my friend Mike about how it’s weird that ESPN shows poker, since it’s not really a sport. Then Mike makes a crack about how they show WNBA too, and I smack him because Danielle’s a women’s studies major and I kinda want to nail her, so, you know, he can’t be saying shit like that around her.”
Witnesses reported that approximately five minutes passed and the issue seemed closed. “I had forgotten about it entirely,” recalled McKewon. “Then, pretty much out of nowhere, this big dude shows up next to me, and he’s saying all kinds of shit about how mental exertion is just as tough as physical exertion, about how the brain is a muscle too, how sitting in one place takes a lot of stamina. It took me awhile to realize he was arguing with me about the poker thing.”
Onlookers supported McKewon’s account. “I was actually sitting at the other end of the bar near the fat dude,” said patron Scott Stewart. “He started muttering to himself when the other guy made the poker comment, and the muttering got louder and louder, and then he just kinda worked himself up and barreled over there.”
“I was kinda surprised at how fast he moved for a chunk,” Stewart added. “Maybe he’s on to something with poker being a sport.”
McKewon said he at first felt a sympathy that quickly morphed into annoyance. “Look, I get it, ok? He’s fat, he plays poker, if poker’s a sport then he’s exercising regularly. But I mean, I’m short and balding, and I don’t approach strangers in bars and try to convince them that drinking makes your hair grow or that wishing makes you taller. He just wouldn’t let it go, I barely got to talk to Danielle at all, and that fucker Mike just sat and laughed at me and didn’t once try to bail me out. Dick.”
Sources report that the obese man in question has also been recently sighted trying to convince a stranger that if you think hard enough about jogging, it’s just the same as if you actually went jogging.
