Online Poker Player Declares That Pocket Aces are Terrible
THE INTERNET - Casual poker players and serious theorists alike were shocked by the pronouncement of online player MRTILTY yesterday that pocket aces, long held to be the best starting hand in Texas Hold’em, are in fact a terrible hand.
“I NEVER WIN WTIH [sic] ACES!”, proclaimed MRTITLTY at approximately 10:53 EST following a hand played on JetSetPoker.com in which MRTILTY’s unimproved AA lost on the river to a flush held by another player. “DID U SEE HIM CALAL [sic] WIHT [sic] THAT CRAP?! I **** HATE ACES. AA IS A ***** TERBIBLE [sic] HAND”
Apparently frustrated by the site’s automatic obscenity filter which prevented other players from seeing his curses in chat, MRTITLTY proceeded to experiment with spelling and spacing variations for the following four minutes, including “PHUCKING ACES”, “F_UK ACES”, “AA FKUKING BLAWS.” Regardless of the form, the messages all served to drive home MRTITLTY’s controversial thesis: aces in the hole are a terrible hand.
News of MRTITLTY’s shocking conclusion regarding the relative quality of AA spread quickly throughout the poker world. RGP lit up with a record number of posts, including dazed, almost apologetic commentary from some of poker’s top scholars, including luminaries such as author David Sklansky.
“I don’t know what to say,” read an excerpt from Sklansky’s post. “I mean, I’ve been playing for quite awhile, and when I write a book, I do a good amount of research, lots of statistical analysis, all that stuff. I was pretty darn sure AA was a good hand, the best hand in fact… but after hearing MRTILTY’s comments … I just want to say I’m sorry for misleading everyone. I just … I didn’t know.”
At press time, various poker authors were feverishly working to revise all of their texts containing now-erroneous assertions regarding the quality of AA. Industry sources report that Tom McEvoy has already started work on a book co-authored with MRTITLTY, tentatively titled “Championship Poker the MRTILTY Way: ACES R F UHKI_NG TERRIBLE.”
