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Phil Hellmuth Tries to Dodge Bullet, Fails

LAS VEGAS, NV – The poker world is in a state of shock when it was revealed that its most colorful champion, Phil Hellmuth, was taken to the hospital after being shot during a commercial taping for his new book.

Hellmuth, better known for his uncompromising arrogance, defiance of all logical reasoning, and painfully unnecessary and extravagant entrances than his record 11 WSOP bracelets, was in the middle of shooting a commercial for his new book “Blacker Belt Poker” when a stunt went terribly wrong.

In an effort to capitalize on his line from the Main Event of the 2005 WSOP, when he famously told his wife “I can dodge bullets, baby,” Hellmuth decided to film a commercial for his book where a firing squad took aim at him, fired simultaneously, and he would “dodge” the bullets. Initial plans called for the squad to use blanks, after which an unscathed Hellmuth was to repeat his line while facing the camera. At the last second, however, Hellmuth declared that the blanks didn’t provide the realism the commercial needed, and ordered the firing squad to use real bullets.

After signing a waiver releasing all responsibility from the crew, filming began. Within 17 seconds of the camera rolling, Phil Hellmuth had been shot 22 times.

One observer described the filming as “one of the funniest commercials I’ve ever seen.” When told the victim was actually shot, the observer was taken aback and showed obvious guilt. When told the victim was Hellmuth, the observer began laughing uncontrollably.

“You know, Phil was just being a donkey like Phil always is,” said close friend and fellow pro, Mike Matusow, “He’s such an idiot.” Matusow then looked around him while laughing looking for validation of his statements. He would receive none.

However, in a somewhat ironic twist of fate, if he survives, Hellmuth could come out of this richer than he was going in. With another pro, Phil Ivey in attendance, Hellmuth stalled taping from beginning so he could barter for insurance with Ivey in the event something went wrong. Eventually, they settled on Hellmuth risking $2 million USD at 1:10 odds with Ivey.

“That [expletive] couldn’t dodge a bullet for [expletive],” said Ivey, “[expletive] cost me 200 grand. [Expletive] better die.”

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