Hot Girl From Poker Room Not Nearly as Hot in Wal-Mart
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LOUISVILLE, KY – Poker room regulars at Caesar’s Indiana reacted with a blend of outrage, disbelief and sadness to the claim, made by poker dealer Steve Partusi, that the super-hot girl who often plays 4/8 limit on the weekends is, in fact, not very hot when seen outside the room.
Partusi first advanced the controversial thesis while dealing a 10/20 game last Tuesday afternoon. As Louisville native and poker player Aaron Smalls recalled: “I was killing time waiting for a no limit game to come up, so I wasn’t paying attention enough to know how it came up. All I know is the table was pretty quiet one minute and then the next, all hell broke loose. I figured there must have been a winner mucked or something, but it turns out they were talking about that hot chick. Who apparently may or may not be hot.”
“Whatever. I’d still hit it, you know what I’m saying?”, Smalls added while attempting in vain to high-five the reporter interviewing him.
In the face of mounting criticism and increasingly hostile behavior from players, Partusi stuck to his story. “Hey, it sucks for me as much as anyone,” Partusi said. “She was like the one beacon of hotness in a big old sea of Kentuckiana ugly. But the fact is, I saw her in Wal-Mart on Monday night, and she looked totally average. Kinda dumpy even.”
“I didn’t even recognize her at first,” continued Partusi, visibly shaken. “I glanced at her and was like ‘ehh, lose 5 in the back and add 5 in the front and maybe’ … even when she looked at me, waved and said my name, it still didn’t register. Finally when she said something about Caesars, it clicked. I think I kinda knew before then, but I just didn’t want to admit it.”
Partusi sighed. “It’s kinda like finding out there’s no Santa Claus, you know? I can see why everyone’s so pissed at me.”
University of Louisville sociologist Dennis Willenbrink explained the apparent hot-not-hot paradox. “It’s a pretty common phenomenon born out of the relativist nature of perception. Much in the same way as dark painted walls in a room will make a lightly-colored couch seem brighter or as one red M&M will seem especially red when placed among a handful of brown ones, a room full of supremely unattractive people lowers the bar to a point where an average looking girl can rise to a supermodel-esque level.”
A poker player himself, Willenbrink has even coined a term for the effect. “I call it ‘poker pretty’”, he said. “It’s something you have to be aware of when you’re checking out a girl in a poker room. Is she actually pretty or only pretty because she’s in a poker room? This girl you’re talking about is clearly only attractive because of the lack of any viable alternatives in the environment.”
Willenbrink then paused to stare as his female colleague Dr. Sandra Estenfeld, a slightly heavyset woman wearing waist high jeans and a floral print shirt with oversized shoulder pads walked by. “Now that on the other hand,” Willenbrink commented, “is one fine piece of academia assssssssss. I would totally hit that.”
Repeated attempts by Willenbrink to engage the reporter in knowing high fives were, as of press time, unsuccessful.
