LAS VEGAS, NV – Fed up by the recent successes of amateurs in the WSOP main event, a consortium of professional poker players held a news conference today to announce that, effective immediately, they will no longer play hold ‘em. Instead, all professional poker players, including such recognizable names as Johnny Chan, Phil Hellmuth and Tom McEvoy, will switch to playing triple draw lowball exclusively.
“Online sites have resulted in a massive influx of new, unpredictable hold ‘em players,” said McEvoy. “Hold ‘em is so easy to learn, virtually anyone can grasp basic theory. That’s not the case with lowball.”
“Finally”, a relieved looking Hellmuth told the assembled press, “our tables will be free of these stupid, ignorant, terrible people. Like the guy who just called my 20,000 preflop with QJ off over there. Did you all see that? I mean, QJ off?”
Plans are already in motion for a new, secretive World Series of Triple Draw Low Ball tournament. Sources indicate the tournament will be held in a remote location and will have an entry fee approaching $200,000.
At press time, Party Poker and Pokerstars had already started offering super-super-super-super satellites to the 2005 WSOTDLBP.
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